Facebook has become the equivalent of the psychiatrist’s couch. Forget the doctor patient confidentiality, which is only a legal barrier preventing outsiders from commenting or “liking” what you are going though. This social networking site circumvents this potential lawsuit and brings your sorrows, complaints and joy to the forefront of the World Wide Web. It broadcasts your thoughts, fears and accomplishments, all neatly tied up with an emoticon at the end of the normally over-punctuated, run-on sentence.
The reasoning behind this self-deprecating behavior escapes me. Obviously if you are lamenting about a boyfriend with a Beyonce inspired rhetoric, you aren’t doing it for the cathartic release; you are doing it to be comforted by your cyber buddies. Each comment expressing an ‘OMG’ or ‘WTH’ mends one’s online persona, and ticks off another one of the elements in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
This new trend of public full disclosure has gotten a little extreme. I mean when do you stop? It is obviously socially acceptable to detail intimate details on your status updates. My favorite updates include personal struggles that you have overcome and couldn’t do it without the support of your friends XOXO (insert winky face here), or how you should have never taken back your deadbeat, low life, cheating boyfriend, even though you are still “facebook official” (insert angry face here).
However, there is also a contingency of facebook-ers, which deliberately write with the intention to lead the reader on. If you are going to hint at the disastrous details of your life in 140 characters, forget about it. You aren’t going to entice me to pick up the phone and cry with you, or drop by your house with a pint of ice cream. Instead, your short hand glimpse of your psyche is only begging others to comment asking “what?!” or “call me.” No! There is no such thing as a half-hearted, soul bearing post. You are either all in or completely out. Anything less will result in me stalking you, your friends, your friends friends, and all related blogs to find out what you are whining about. Your ambivalent attitude toward life has turns me from a normally curious girl into a Google master, able to uncover the obscure details of your publically posted hint at a miserable life.
So, if we have gone this far in the facebook world – the point of no return in my opinion – we should just go all the way with what we tell to our closest 1451 friends plus all those in our network. If you are willing to share your intimate emotional details, then buck up and bare it all. For example, before your next colonoscopy no one cares about the fluff updates stating you are “so scared” and “want happy thoughts sent your way ;).” I want the in the weeds, dirty details. Inappropriate you say, I say you parading your feelings all over my newsfeed is inappropriate and as equally disgusting as the side effects of that nasty drink they make you gulp down.
Listen up all you facebook junkies: Lay off the computer and invest in a person, shrink, pet or imaginary friend. I am tired of dissecting your over punctuated, smiley face laden posts dripping in comment begging wording. Until you are ready to describe every facet of your next root canal then you better be ready to quit pounding out pathetic updates.