I have never been cool. I wore Limited Too until I was in 9th grade. I once showed up to cheerleading practice in my band uniform. I fall down the stairs at work. Heck, I envied all kids with glasses and braces – yes, at the same time – while I was growing up.
This past weekend two of my best friends and I went to New York City to soak up the Christmas spirit until it was oozing from our pores. Saturday night, after seeing the Rockettes, we had dinner reservations at a trendy New York eatery – Tao. The 10:30pm reservations were past my bedtime - a surefire sign I was not cool enough for the crowd I was about to encounter. Yawning, I walk into the restaurant and am immediately aware of how out of place I was.
People were everywhere, music was blaring and there was some man walking around playing the bongo drum. I wasn’t completely sure if he worked for the restaurant or it was a new trend like small purses with puppies in them or adopting children from exotic foreign countries.
Everyone in the room was lacking a good amount of clothing. Most girls were wearing less clothing than I wear to the beach. Apparently, dressing for the below freezing temperatures was not the trendy thing to do. Once again, missed that memo. In the sea of sparkles and stilettos, in I came with multiple pairs of tights on, socks, boots, a corduroy skirt and my Michelin man North Face jacket. I think I wore a very similar outfit in my kindergarten school picture. You would have been hard pressed to find any section of bare skin on me.
After finally settling into a tiny couch with one of those tiny tables, which is an illusion to make all the tiny entrees and tiny drinks look bigger, the waitress came over to take our order. I am used to being asked to see my ID. I know I look like I am 18 years old. Obviously, the waitress did not believe me, and in the dimly lit restaurant decided to first light a candle, then hold it up to my face to thoroughly examine if I was who I claimed to be - effectively causing the whole restaurant to look over. Awesome.
I have felt uncool in many situations in my life. I have showed up to parties in costume when it was not a costume party. I commonly spill food on myself. Unfortunately, those past experiences pale in comparison to my dinner at Tao. I am not cut out to be trendy, coat-less in the cold and decked out head to toe (or just more in strategic locations) in sparkles. Looks like you never outgrow your uncoolness.